If they don’t reply to your texts — they’re not interested in you.
If they don’t call you — they’re not interested in you.
If they forget your birthday — they’re not interested in you.
If they’re hung up on their ex — they’re not interested in you.
If they’re obsessed with being single — they’re not interested in you.
If they don’t want to meet your friends — they’re not interested in you.
If they don’t want you to meet their friends — they’re not interested in you.
If they don’t ask questions about your life — they’re not interested in you.
If they don’t tell you things about their life — they’re not interested in you.
If they only speak to you when they want to have sex with you — they’re not interested in you.
If they only have sex with you when they’re drunk — they’re not interested in you.
If they say “should we just keep this between us?’ after you have sex with them — they’re not interested in you.
If they don’t have sex with you — they’re not interested in you.
If they can always find a psychobabble rationale about who “I am” or “you are” or “we are” as reason why you can’t be together — they’re not interested in you.
If they have said for more than six months that they would like to be with you “BUT” — they’re not interested in you.
And if you still need convincing — think of it this way. Think of what the real day-to-day of life is taken up by. Life is birthday parties at terrible pubs. Life is losing your credit card and the annual Melbourne Cup sweepstake in the office. Life is hen’s nights, bucks’ nights, sitting on the phone for three hours to get U2 tickets and not getting them, the apartment upstairs flooding your house, interval training, calorie counting, cancer scares, illegal mini cabs, Secret Santa, rail replacement buses and Dido albums. Dogs die, cars crash, bin liners break, contracts end, curtain rails collapse, trains get delayed, football teams lose. Divorce happens and so do earthquakes and so does An Audience With Michael Bublé. Landlords put rent up, phones get stolen and the supermarket often completely runs out of hummus.
Now, taking all of the above into account — you look me dead in the eye and tell me the truth. Do you really have enough spare energy to pursue someone who isn’t interested in you? Do you really want to waste any more time on top of all of that? No. Me neither. So give it up, my friend. It’s a loser’s game. Delete their number. Don’t go on any more dates with them. Stop lurking their Facebook page. Feels good, doesn’t it?
1.Stop posting negative sh*t about celebrities on social media. Miley Cyrus does not care what you think about her haircut, Justin Bieber does not care what you think of his tattoos and Gwyneth Paltrow couldn’t care less regarding what you think about her diet.
2. Stop resenting yourself for drunk texting your ex. Sure, its a little embarrassing, but at least you’re addressing your feelings. Not that you should aim to drink an entire bottle of rum then see what happens, but… roll with the punches.
3. Leave the country. If you don’t have money, look into doing charity work abroad. Some programs will sponsor you.
4. If you hate your job, quit your job. Repeat after me: THE MONEY IS NOT WORTH IT. Food and shelter are clutch though, so make sure you have another job lined up.
5. Stop beating yourself up for skipping the gym on days you truly didn’t have time. But also, stop skipping the gym on days you had plenty of time to go.
6. Make up — not to be confused with make out — with an ex.
7. Rid yourself of enemies. Apologize for what you did wrong and forgive those who have wronged you.
8. Rid yourself of “frenemies.” Don’t spend 2014 surrounded by people you secretly despise.
9. If you think somebody is cute, say “hi” and introduce yourself. Every relationship you have ever had started with a greeting.
10. Leave your phone number for someone. Worst-case scenario: you won’t get a call and maybe you’ll feel a tiny bit embarrassed. Regardless of the outcome, you put yourself out there and probably made the other person’s day.
11. Stop caring about how many people “like” your Instagram photos. If you like the photo enough to post it, what else matters? Social media anxiety is a waste of time.
12. Cross something off your bucket list. Sky dive, bungee jump, scuba dive, etc. Don’t make excuses as to why you can’t accomplish something, and check out
13. Stop hating yourself for eating dessert. A piece of birthday cake is a right, not a privilege.
14. Keep a journal. It doesn’t have to be something you use daily, but documenting your experiences is incredibly important. You’ll appreciate it later.
15. Strengthen relationships with family members. Blood is thicker than water.
16. Help strangers. “Pay it forward,” do good things for the world — and don’t post a Facebook status about it.
17. Conquer a fear. Personally, I fear Bikram yoga.
18. Turn off your smartphone at dinner.
19. Don’t check your Twitter feed when you’re with friends.
20. Try a fashion trend you never thought you could pull off. And, do it with confidence. Floppy hats, snap backs, Harem pants; you can do it!
21. Double-text without fear. THOU SHALL NOT BE IGNORED!
22. Shop locally, eat locally and recognize where your money is going. Consumers control the economy, so visit the mom-and-pop coffee shop down the street instead of Starbucks. Shop at boutiques rather than chains (they aren’t all expensive — trust me). Try Etsy.com instead of retail conglomerates.
23. Cry. When you’re happy and when you’re sad; embrace your emotions as they come.
24. Stop being so shallow. Next time you find yourself judging someone based on his or her appearance, imagine the person standing in front of you saying, “I’m beautiful.” You’ll start to believe it.
25. If you want someone to commit to you, vocalize it. Don’t settle for being someone’s “f*ck buddy” if that isn’t what you want. “Together” is the waiting period between “talking” and “dating”; purgatory shouldn’t last forever.